the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize