I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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