Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize