So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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