when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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