so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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