I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
