I skipped work to stalk him.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
