i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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