maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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