You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
