im about as happy as oj after his trial
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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