ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
