Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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