I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
