Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
