I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
