the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
