It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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