I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
