I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
