he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
