my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
