yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize