and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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