He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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