You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
