Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
