Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
