Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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