mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
