I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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