just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
