im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
