i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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