You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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