She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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