just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
