Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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