dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
