dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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