He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Terrible idea I love it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
