That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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