At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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