Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
