So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
