You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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