dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
