Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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