if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
