But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
