Just took my morning after pill in the library
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We left the knife in your bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
