We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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