Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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