yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
