i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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