his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize