We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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