omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
