is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
