Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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