Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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