that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
