That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
