I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize