My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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