I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
