I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
