I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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